Back to school anxiety

Okay so this pathetic excuse for a christmas-break is coming to an end.
Well, it HAS been a very nice break actually.
I haven't thought about school til yesterday.. and I start school tomorrow.
I haven't studied, even though it has been very necessary.
I have met new people, partied a lot and I have focused on feeling human feelings.
I have felt like a person, this break.
And I just know that when school starts again, I will go back to that low state of mind.
because school and stress will be at the back of my mind, gnawing the very last humane emotions I have and I will once again become numb.
I think I'm too lazy and free-spirited for the IB.
I want to do things I want to do, not the things I must do.
The things that ARE DUE NEXT FRIDAY or DUE TOMORROW, I hate them.
Even though I can be smart sometimes, I don't think school is for me.
Maybe my future lies outside the world of academic achievements.
Haha there was this..well she's quite the horrible person really, her idea of me was that I was a basketball-player and bla-blah.
People can be so ignorant sometimes.
But what if the academic world isn't for me?
I enjoy listening to wisdom drawn from experiences, not from reading books or solving formulas.
Although, I suppose the point with writing books is to share experiences or to give experiences to someone, when they're reading them.
I enjoy history.
But I enjoy being a person more.
Like; dancing, breathing fresh air, seing new places, meeting new people, fall in love, fall out of love, getting hurt, being happy that you have something to be sad about and stuff like that.
I don't want to believe life is about getting an education and being a little wheel in the machine of society.
Urgh but I don't know what to believe, that's the problem.
I just know what I don't wanna do, who I don't wanna become.
but what do I want to do
I want this christmas-break to rewind and I will enjoy the moment more..
and savour each kiss and the feelings and the moments which mean the most.
I hope they'll boost this year and fill me with some enthusiasm.

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