New shirt and a new year

Another year has passed

big deal

I'll miss 2009 and all the things that didn't happen.

Looking forward to a new year though..

but not this semester in school

fucking school

I'll graduate in june

exams in may

I'll die this year

but I'll probably live a little as well

yup, this year will be eventful

not like 2008..

I have a new shirt and I love it.

bye happy new year

train of thought

and you can't see my heart beating no you can't see it through my chest said i'm terrifed but i'm not leaving know that i must pass this test soldier pull the trigger it's my heart you're stealing it's my heart you take it's my heart you're dealing with but you don't know about it hi it's a bit confusing and i once again don't know what i want it's been a long time long time now since i've seen you smile you evil emo bastard please get outta my head so i may focus on something else i need to focus on school i need to focus on him i need to focus n rbuf and i don't need to focus on you there really is no purpose to this to you to me cuz it doesn't matter what you say i just can't stay here every way it's a smile to forget let's make-believe we never needed anymore than this let's fuck it all and please just listen to this interlude i love this song i love the cure oh elise it doesn't matter what you do i know i'll never really get inside of you the way the blue could pull me in if only they would, if they only would from me and you we are worlds apart with aching looks and breaking heart but i just wanna take as much as you can throw and throw it away lately i've been fooled lately i've been mislead oh love is trouble he is right in front of me oh love is trouble because i can't reach you i want you but i wish you weren't so cool and that your words were unsaid because you say lovely things to me but i don't wanna hear them tu tu tu tu tu tu everything i learn i seem to learn through pain cuz love is trouble and friendships suck i should know who i am by now i walk and the record stands somehow i have lost so much this year and i am losing you now as well and i am thinking of winter your name is the splinter inside me while i wake and i wanna see you there i wanna kiss you lips cuz i remember the sound of your hands on my arm and no you didn't slap me aren't we terrified love love is a verb love is a doing word i'm wearing all black but i am not sad but i am confused cuz i want you it's a possibility there's a possibility haha this artist is swedish and argh i hate you mmmmm know that when you leave oh god please come to my front door again there's a possibility that all i'm gonna get is gone with your step you're the only one who knows tell me when you hear my silence there's a possibility i wouldn't know i think things would be easier if i had you and if your lips were just as well my own and i think it would be easier to cope with shit if i had you as an energy-source if i got to touch your arms whenever fear and panic in the air i want to be free from lalla and despair and i am not as fucked up as this text probably seem i refuse to let you go i can't get it right get it right since i met you lonely years be over disarm you with a smile and i love billy ooh the years burn

I spend most of my time wishing I was someone else, but now I wish you were someone else.

In the paper

I read today about a danish man, who got robbed when he was in the US, in the beginning of the 70's. He started to hitchike with people through the US, he lived with cotton-farmers, he was told how much the slaves were missed. He drove an old woman to Arizona because she wanted to die there, instead she held her gun in her hands in the car, of fear of him. His dad sent him a simple camera and he took tens of thousands of pictures. He shared beds with random strangers, he let a girl braid his beard and he gave out a book. This book was liked by communists and the kkk because it showed the true US. I was fascinated. I wish I was some danish man-hippie. And that I only cared about the truth and not what actually happens to me. I wish I was allowed to see those kinds of things. I wish I was strong enough for them.

Malin

Because she's home.

Because she's a ray of sunshine.

Because she's the strongest person I know.

Because she is beautiful,

Inside and out.

Because I've missed her.

She's family.

Great things are in store for her.

She'll go places and accomplish things.

I'm grateful for her.

And this came out very cheesy but I don't care.

I love her.

Only You - Joshua Radin <3

Hi, I like my new hair.

many things are going on at the moment in my lfe, mostly they're good :)

amongst spooning, holding hands, dreaming, going christmas-shopping and getting a new haircut, there is a sense of being relaxed. it feels gut

It's christmas time, there's no need to be afraid

at christmas-time, we let in light and banish shade

and that is so true.

next week I'll start studying, yuck.

New-year's coming up.

I love new-year's!

Don't know what I'm doing yet, cuz it's hard to make up my mind about it.

But perhaps I know :)

if I dare.

this didn't make sense, I'm glad.

you cut your hair? I'm soo gonna unsubscribe

There's nothing you can't do :)

I cut my hair again. yäh.

all I wanna say is:
You look so grown-up.
awesome.

Nu lyssnar jag på

Karen O and the Kids, för att jag vill bli på bra humör.
Malin ska fira jul med min familj och det ska bli helt jävla awesome.
Igår svarade jag på några frågot om att bo i japan, anna gjorde ett reportage om mig till plugget. Och jadet took me back om man säger så.
Har varit hemma i sverige i tre år nu.
Läste gamla blogg-inlägg från lunar, som jag skrev under den första tiden och sen jämförde jag med senare inlägg från den andra terminen, då jag fick en pojkvän och en bästa kompis.
SOM NATT OCH DAG.
Nu känns det så långt borta liksom.
Japan.
Typ jag bodde där.
Hiroshima liksom.
Jag vill dit igen.

Possibility - Lykke Li

I'm tired but happy.

Hold On Hope.

Yeah so I'm there again.
In that rut.
Where everything is quiet and slow and heavy.
Everything that I 'have to' do, is forced.
It feels forced, and it sucks a huge amount of energy.
I wanna find some sort of a remote, I want to star in a stupid adam sandler movie or smth.
Like hey, fast-forward this shit, please? I want to be nineteen and free.
I don't feel like being this boring, or sleepy or dead.
But I don't want to take control and do things for myself.
The way I think is the problem.
"Ooh, the years burn"
God this is so silly of me.
The killer in me is the killer in you.

sleep-deprived

I think the title speaks for itself.
I have scratches on my chest, after my hell-cat from yesterday.
we were moving and he got scared. poor kitty.
poor maja.
but i'm not bitter
jag ä' inte bitter
cuz I saw Tegan and Sara yesterday at Mejeriet, with johan and cassie <3
they were quite amazing :)
I haven't been able to sleep for three weeks, it's gotta stop!
gonna finish my Extended Essay tonight, don't know how it will specie itself
haha arta sig fattarni.
Luckily school isn't about life. wait a minute.
life isn't about school. but school should be about life.
and not stressful.
Next weekend it's time for the christmas concert YAY.
I'm gonna say a few words first, before I start to sing.
it'll be fun :)
I'm gonna sit up all night writing and tomorrow I'll be nice and dead, in time for my afro-dance session. awesome.
Ah, exercise.

Good shit

true story.

friends

and stuff.
i am so stressed and emotionally something-something, so i enjoy distracting myself with that 70's show and yesterday i even hung out with victor and cuddled with his cat. which was nice. i don't even know if the reasons why i believe i need comfort are justified ones. but i think i need a shoulder for some use. i try to just hang out with friends and see whatever happens. see, at least i feel good when i'm around them, especially victor. i think it's because overall, he's a happy dude. and energetic. friends are important to me actually, even though it seems like school and emotional issues get in the way for me sometimes, since i don't always feel all hoppity-yay. i feel all egotistical now since some of my friends go through shit as well an i guess i don't provide whatever it is that they want, either. but yeah. i wish i could feel more wanted than what i do now, it probably sounds retarded and i know that my friends like me or whatever, but what i know and what i feel are not the same thing.

the prom

just found out that we can go to our school's prom with someone outside of school. YAY. ah the small things in life...

min bakgrundsbild

because I think they're beautiful :)

(rusted root)

Send me on my way

On my way

I would like to reach out my hand
I may see you, I may tell you to run
You know what they say about the young
Well pick me up with golden hands
Oh may see you, Oh may tell you to run
You know what they say about the young

Well I would like to hold my little, hand
How we will run We will. How we will crawl we will.
I would like to hold my little, hand.
How we will run we will. How we will crawl.

Send me on my way, on my way
-Rusted Root.

THE GREATEST SONG IN THE WORLD.

let me tell you why I think this is the greatest song in the world. because, it makes you feel all war and happy the music-video is amazing, I wanna jump around on a mountain like them, I wanna be in my 20's in the 90's, and the lyrics are awesome, Michael Glabicki has one of the best voices I've ever heard and this sng i sone of a kind.

Curly Sue Intro <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DylNmSqRsA&feature=related

klick that link and watch the most beautiful intro to the most beautiful movie, in the world.
you won't regret it. the music and the images and everything <3>
it's nostalgic to me but it will benefit you as well. just klick it. you know you want to.
xoxo, gossip girl.

bye

Berlin day 1, 15th/9

we're on a boat. (were*)
we stayed in a little apartment thing. cozy

U-bahn

Absurd building.

scary ex-nazi-building

we thought it was water first.

I was in Berlin :D

Cissi got a bear-hug.

insanely large... that's what she said.

Dono what Olof's doing.

Nap-time.


Yeah I thought I mind as well upload some Berlin-pictures. these are from the first day there. 15th/9. we had a lotta fun.

trött.

kan knappt sova alls.
somna kanske halv fem imorse.
vakna nio.
när jag kom hem kunde jag inte komma till ro och bara vila.
och jag antar att det är för att jag är stressad.
jag oroar mig.
och stressar.
och oroar mig.
och grubblar över att jag känner mig besviken.
besviken på folk so fortsätter att lura i mig att dom ska ändra sig och bli bättre.
då går jag och hoppas.
jag hatar att gå och hoppas och sen bara hej då.
gud vilken deprimerande blogg detta har blivit.
jaja jag är kanske lite deppad at the moment.
men som tur är, är november här.
apparantly, ska november vara min tur-period 2009 so yay fingers crossed.
hej.

"best friends are
the most important thing you can get in life, they can help you, be there
for you and care for you until you die. As for our relationship, its only a
teenage thing, it cannot last if we separate but best friends can and you
should remember that."

I'm so screwed.

Oscar Norrman.

s'why I miss my cat.

just look at his fur ._.

Roll, roll and flee.

I still feel so useless when I don't do my homework and yet I keep it up. The not-doing. I guess that I just wish that people around me, my classmates who keep obsessing abut school, my parents, my friends and my guides to remind me that life is not about school. Yes it might affect our future, and yeah it's a tool in order to get what you want, to reach your goals, if your goals are about work and stuff. I guess my goal is to live a full life, work with something I like. I don't really know what I like. I like singing, painting, kids, dogs, nature, english, reading, talk to people, listen to people, be on stage, be off stage, listen to music, joke around, being the clown in the family, trying to be a good friend and sister. What do you make of that? I don't know. so I don't know what do to about school. I refuse to let it stress me out. I am so tense, in my shoulders and my neck. My shoulders ALWAYS hurt. always. and school makes me hate myself. it makes me see all the bad sides i have. Well that and a certain individual in my life. but what can I do?

I want to paint. find the time.

Mario Sorrenti by Kate Moss
Mario Sorrenti

bassie.

Heard cassie's sick, off in the netherlands so, I wanted to give her this. get better. gonna send some love. might not work but it can't do any harm.
jag skriver denna låten här för att den påminner mig om dig, när vi satt under det där äppelträdet på hannahs fest och alla andra var i vägen. plus att den är som dig. typ. kosntig fast bra. och inte överdrivet konstig. bara cpspeciell. get well sooooooon
eyes lit
i want short breaths
i've got dark eye-lids

nice breasts
i need the sun in to repent.
(crimewave - Crystal Castles)

sunday. sunny day.

it's hard to believe that you are a good person when you have more bad sides than good. it's even harder when you're the only one that knows them all. makes you seem crazy. but i'm the only one that knows me. who truly knows me. i see me. and i don't like what i see. the sun's out.

Once again

simon fixed my spotify :)

Nikola Sarcevic

I love him. Check him out his album Lock-Sport-Krock is yaay amg acoustic album <3
Gonna sing "Do they know it's christmas?" at the christmas-concert.
s'gonna be awesome.

Lucia

och nu kan jag inte ens försöka att njuta av det för att ni är såna bitches om det. dvs, inte nog för att det kommer att vara jobbigt med tiden och sånt, jag kommer dessutom inte att kunna njuta av det när det väl händer för att ni, du, får mig att känna mig skyldig. SÅ TACK SÅ JÄVLA MYCKET. ska stänga av helt när du pratar och göra mitt yttersta för att göra det du säger. men jag tänker fan inte vara tacksam eller vid medvetande. mitt huvud, min själ och mitt hjärta flyttar ut ur den här lägenheten nu.

Och jag tänker inte ens säga "tack för den här tiden".

trust issues

I wish people could just be honest and not say that something's ok when it isn't. This phenomenon had ruined stuff for me in the past but I figured: it's your own fault for pretending it's ok and just let me go ahead and do what I do. How am I supposed to know if you act like it's fine? I think it's weak and immature. I mean I could have been smoother about things so that the situation wouldn't have to get so frustrating. But you knew that. And therefore, you let me believe it was ok so that the situation could be blamed on me.

I have a trust-issue. I believe what people tell me. This is bad. I don't really need to explain why but I'm gonna do it anyway. See, if someone says it's ok, I believe them, they are in their hearts hurting and I don't know what I am doing to them. And I actually think it's mean of the person to say it's ok. Just be open and honest for fuck's sake.
It's a win-win situation.

what do you think?

Multihelg med RBUF och valberedningen.

Ett av de bästa som finns just nu i Majses liv är nog hennes engagemang i det mest awesome ungdomsförbundet i Sverige Idag; Rädda Barnens Ungdomsförbund.
Rbuf jobbar för barns rättigheter och vi vill att barnkonventionen ska bli till lag här i sverige. Barnkonventionen skriver om en massa bra saker som ett barn har rätt till, bl. a till fritid och lek, att bli lyssnad på, utbildning, trygghet osv.

Multihelgen gick ut på att ge chansen till medlemmar som var i olika arbetsgrupper få snacka ihop sig, prata taktik, göra upp mål, hålla i workshops och sånt. och det var verkligen megaroligt!
jag var där som en medlem av valberedningen och det är vår uppgift att kolla om det finns några extra intressanta människor som skulle kanske passa in i förbundstyrelsen. vi leta potential och kanske sådde några frän i huvudet på folk.

och jag träffade Malin som jag saknar något så otroligt mycket!
Hon mår bra, tror jag faktiskt. det börjar bli bättre, och det går bra för henne på jobb och sånt :) vill att det ska vara 23/12 nu så hon kommer hem.

men ja, skoj. ska nu gå och stressa ihjäl över att jag inte har pluggat.

Saraaa

hahaha sara <3

Erik Hassle!!!!

Love my hat and I love autumn yaaaay

realised YESTERDAY that Sara is going for 'punk'!!

the guitarist, Victor, is damn fine.


Erik is SO AMAZING live. seriously, if 'sex' had a face and a voice, it would be Erik.
AMG Erik!!! (see he's looking into the cameraaaa)

Cassie-bassie-band och Majse bajse

this really captures the way we are.

I miss her, not seeing her in school ;_;

(she TRANSFERRED)..to narnia.

no, all i know is: they have horsies.
(I love this picture of us. I look chinese

and Cassie looks like one hot smoker. all true)

A letter to Elise.

Hey Elise,

thank you for making Robert Smith write this amazing song.

I'll always be grateful.

Omg, Shoes.

I got some new shoes today.
And I know what you're thinking.
She seems like a shopaholic for thinking that this is something worth being mentioned.
But it is to me.
Cuz I believe that these shoes represent something.
A form of a symbol.
Kind of like what cutting my hair started.
A little change.
Or maybe it's a big change.
"What I'm going through is hurtful"
But not anymore.
And do you know why?
Because I've discovered THE secret.
It's THE secret for me cuz now I kind of understand it.
That how I feel, depends on how I interpret things that happen to me.
And whether or not I feel that I can choose, to either suffer from it and let it devour me, or let it become a part of me.
All in my head.
Sort of.
And all this from buying shoes.
Not exactly.
But kind of.
let's get some shoes.
If my new black ordinary shoes can symbolize healing for me, and I'll step away from my broken converse, wonder what my Docs will symbolize.
yes, I ordered docs today.
And I like it.
deck!

myspace.com/armandmirpour
Guards, Guards.

I KISSED YOUR LIPS AND IT TASTED blood.

DUDUDUDUDUDUUD DUDUDUDUUDU!

Totally.

Your Honor - Regina Spektor.

New Life-motto

when I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.(Barney.)

Isn't it obvious!

tog en promenix med pappan häromdan i stadsparken och han hjälpte mig att se saker lite klarare. fika med hannah imorse och hon hjälpte också. snackade med johannes och han fick mig att bli gladare, och cassandra svarade på ett befängt blogginlägg om mig och jag känner mig älskad. och lättad. och detta känns bra nu äntligen och nu ska jag sätta igång med läxan. ska bli kul.

jag älskar er, ni som får mig att må bra. sara, that goes for you too. och ja, now I have some healing to do :) med er hjälp blir det säkert lättare.

SKA PÅ ERIK HASSLE MED SARA PÅ ONSDAG SER FRAM EMOT DET SOM FAN!

No happy ending. (emo #12178623)

And I feel as if I'm wasting. And I'm wasting every day.

OCH

I won't be your winter, I won't be anyone's excuse to cry.

(it should be an angry text about the whole situation that made my week so tremendously emotionally draining, here, but I just realised something: they have no business here. so.. shoo.)

I love Cassie and the way she takes pictures.

and the way she is. I need to show her this more.

Pete Yorn - Lose You

I am not gonna talk about my personal problems here. but let's just say, it's fucked up. and surprisingly, every aspect of my life is fucking up during the same fucking week. fuck that! I am gonna go now, I have cried more this week that I have cried this entire year. I wish my cold could be over and done with, and that school could get straightened out, so I can deal with the real issues in my life properly. but as everything is coming together AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME, everyhting I do is either fucked-up or half-assed.

bye I'm gonna go die now. hopefully.

I'll probably die this week, but overall I've had a pretty decent life.

back from berlin.

thought I'd upload this sick picture of my hair. I had fun in Berlin, more pictures another day, promise.

By the way

tack till simon som fixa spotify till mig.
min värld är genast mycket roligare.
älskar spotify. minus reklamen förstås.
Tack simon! <3

Off to Berlin

Wilma had a bear, and she just put it out on the balcony. made me laugh as I walked past it and saw it sitting there.

Sara has been a true angel today, she has helped me so so much, she cooked and she went to get my hats for me in landskrona and just a true champ with everything. God I love sisters.

She helped me with my hair and made it darker :) so now, I got the change I wantesd, I made it a little more edgy. Yay me.

Wilma who I was babysitting yesterday. she was really cozy. and smelled like dog. good smell. one of the best smells in the world. :)

OFF TO BERLIN TOMORROW, WITH MY CLASS, COMING BACK ON FRIDAY SEE YOU THEN BYE.